


Take Me Back to the Start

by Anotherlostblogger



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-09 09:57:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17999639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anotherlostblogger/pseuds/Anotherlostblogger
Summary: How Ryan and Brent met those years ago. Car trouble, true crime and ghosts can bring them together, but could just as easily tear them apart.





	Take Me Back to the Start

**Author's Note:**

> BF Fellowship timeline is all mine.

* * *

It was senior year at Chapman, and everything was changing and coming slowly to an end.

College was where he figured out a lot of things about himself, including confirming that he definitely wanted to go into Hollywood, he was definitely into both girls and guys, and he definitely couldn't cook worth shit. 

The summer after college brought with it a lot of changes-and Ryan Bergara wasn't going to leave any of them to chance.

During Christmas break he spent half of his time at home holed away applying to _every single opportunity_ for film students: every single internship, fellowship, externship, you name it.

For the most part, he'd been working on campus, involved with clubs and organizations nearby. It's not so much that he didn't have a car so much as it was that it was an old piece of shit that probably couldn't make the hour-ish journey from Orange County to Hollywood. 

But then that spring he got a gaffer job at a big production company, working lights on a TV set and Ryan threw out any of his previous concerns about his car and drove that hunk of junk every Friday and Saturday down into Tinseltown. 

It was terrifying and exciting to be so close to what he hoped to do with the rest of his life that suddenly he wasn't so scared of graduating anymore. 

And then: BuzzFeed. 

It was this cool little indie production company that made funny content for YouTube, and he got the callback-he was going to be a digital media fellow. 

Holy shit.

▲▲▲

It was on his drive down to LA that first day that his '97 Chevy began to sputter....more than she usually did. 

"Oh no, no, no, no, no," Ryan said under his breath, petting the steering wheel with sweaty, nervous hands. He was in bumper-to-bumper traffic. If there was ever a time for Chloe to break down, now was Not it.

He was about 12 minutes away from BuzzFeed HQ, the question was if he should risk it or pull over and call for a tow. 

It was 8:41.

He couldn't be late.

"C'mon, C'mon," Ryan urged quietly, and somehow, miraculously, she kept going....all the way to work.

Ryan hadn't been to church in a couple years but as he stumbled into the office, on time for his first day, he figured he owed something to God for getting him there on a prayer.

He could worry about the transmission after.

"Hey everyone! Welcome to BuzzFeed!" Ned Fulmer told the crowd of fellows, and Ryan bounced on the heels of his feet. There was a crowd of something like fifteen around them, including several stupidly tall guys that just made him feel like he was back trying out for varsity ball again.

"We're going to split you guys up into little teams for projects. Who here has experience behind a camera?"

Basically every hand went up and Ned laughed.

"Oh-ho...well, that's good," he said, and he picked four people seemingly at random, having them stand at different corners of the room.

"How about my sound guys...any foleys?"

By the time they got to lighting, Ryan was put on a team, and they were sent off to help with a sketch show. 

On camera, was Brent, this tall Clark Kent looking guy with glasses, and their sound guy was Shane, this tall Peter Parker looking dude with a crooked smile. 

 Maybe he shouldn't go by superhero nicknames to figure out who was who yet, but that's where he was at by this point.

They were both kind of cute, if he was looking-which he wasn't. He and Helen had broken up just before graduation, a couple months ago. It was the end of the longest relationship of his life, and he was ready to pour his interest into his work.

That didn't mean he couldn't make new friends, though. 

They both seemed like friendly if kinda quiet white guys, but they were all new to this and a little awkward so who knew what things would look like in a few weeks.

At lunch, Ryan went out to his car to try it again.

No rattling here.

He still walked to Chipotle just in case.

▲▲▲

Day 1 was an overwhelming success—or maybe it was just that he survived an overwhelming day just to get back in his shitty car and made it home in order to turn around and do it all over again tomorrow. 

He hoped he’d be able to do it again tomorrow.

Ryan stood by while his dad popped open the engine and made humming noises at the various parts under the hood.

His dad wasn’t exactly a mechanic—but maybe looking in the mouth of his car wasn’t so different from the mouths of patients he saw at his office day today.

Maybe.

At any rate, he’d take his father’s prognosis over his own Wikihow searches any day, so when Doctor Bergara turned to him and said, “It doesn’t look so good,” Ryan felt a sinking feeling deep in his chest that felt like the end of his potential internship just...melting away into his Jordan shoes. 

 ▲▲▲

He still took the risk and his car back into LA the next day. 

And the next. And the next. It made his mom nervous, but he wasn't going to risk putting it into the shop until the weekend. 

By some miracle, Ryan made it to Friday (and Hollywood) for his first week as a video production intern. His team was fun, he ended up sat by Shane's desk, and usually ate lunch with both of them.

He didn't question it, so much as held onto the hope that Chloe would be in and out of the shop in time for work next week. 

"How's it running?" Brent asked him as they walked out Friday, and Ryan shot him a wry look. "I mean. It's got me here so far."

"Nice," Brent laughed. 

"I just gotta hope whatever's wrong with it will be fixed by Monday," Ryan confessed and Brent gave him a sympathetic look. At least another fellow had already had to drop out for some personal reasons. He couldn't exactly take time off during his second week.

At this stage, Ryan couldn't help but know how painfully replaceable he was.

Brent followed him to his car and stood back as he put the key in the ignition, making an exaggerated 'fingers crossed' motion before he turned it. 

Ryan shook his head, fully expecting everything to run as usual.

Chloe made a grinding, painful noise and stalled.

"Uh oh," Brent said, and Ryan felt his face turn red. 

"Come on, girl," Ryan said under his breath. 

He tried again.

And again.

The fourth time his car made a sound like a dying squirrel and began to spout smoke from under the hood. He could tell that some people had begun rubbernecking, somewhat gathering around to murmur about him and his shitty car. 

"Jesus," Ryan swore and then he let his face hit the steering wheel.

He startled when he felt a hand reach over his and gently turned the key off and away in the ignition. When he looked up, Brent was watching him, blue eyes full of sympathy behind his rectangle frames.

"Hey," he said, "Let's give it a look, okay? Do you have AAA?"

They spent twenty minutes alone in the parking lot looking shit over before the tow truck driver arrived. 

He was probably gonna get a ride with him to the shop, maybe have his dad come pick him up, and Ryan was already thinking of how expensive this could all be, and how embarrassing it was that it happened here and not at home when Brent nudged him out of his thoughts.

"Where do you live again?"

 ▲▲▲

As it turned out, BuzzFeed's resident Clark Kent lived in Cypress, not all that far from Ryan. Unlike Shane, and many of the other BuzzFeeders who had moved directly to LA from various other places across the U.S., Brent was a fellow SoCal boy. 

"Think I'm going to need more than a fellowship to make me move to Los Angeles," Brent told him as they hit the freeway in his 2012 Mercedes. Unlike Chloe, Brent's car had space for days, the seats weren't lumpy and the air-conditioning and radio actually worked. 

Ryan stretched out in it and allowed himself to enjoy the ride while he had it. 

"God, I know," Ryan said, exchanging a grin. Not to mention, he hated the idea of leaving his family and his two little dogs. 

"I mean...like, it's the goal-" Brent said.

"Right."

"-like...endgame, hopefully."

"Absolutely."

"But...fuck it's expensive." 

"Right!"

"And....kind of ugly."

Ryan threw his head back and laughed. "It is."

"Maybe I'm just spoiled with movies," Brent said with a grin, "But...it's not pretty."

"And the traffic sucks," Ryan said. "Which...I guess we should've known getting into this-"

"No!" Brent said enthusiastically. "The traffic really sucks. I'm actually glad you're here with me because the rest of the week's commute has been boring as shit."

Sending him a rueful smile, Ryan folded his hands in his lap, "That's the nicest way you could turn this around, as though I'm doing you a favor," he said.

Brent laughed and sent him a look. "I'm serious!"

"Jesus, you're too nice," Ryan said, and Brent laughed harder. "I'm not being nice! I'd take you to work every day if you needed me to, because-"

"Oh my god!"

"Because-"

"-you're so nice!"

"No!" Brent laughed, "That wasn't...I wasn't trying to like....brag."

"Uh-huh."

Ryan's iPhone suddenly spouted out the turn-off directions, and Brent changed lanes. 

"I'm serious, Ryan," Brent said once he caught his breath. "If you need a ride Monday, or any day, let me know."

Ryan didn't know what to say.

"Dude."

Brent just grinned at him, an Ryan considered his options. It was either accepting the kindness of his absurdly kind coworker or possibly having to quit his whole internship.

Ryan took a breath.

"I'll chip in for gas."

"Yeah!" Brent cheered, and Ryan couldn't help it, he laughed. 

"Stop...stop acting like I'm doing you a favor," he wheezed.

"No!" Brent laughed, and Ryan was still smiling when he got home. 

▲▲▲

Ryan's car was still in the shop come Monday morning, so Brent picked him up for work. 

"Hi there," he said, and Brent sent him an already cheery grin, "Good morning, work-buddy," he said and Ryan could only shake his head. 

▲▲▲

By Friday it was pretty clear his car wasn't going to be ready any time soon. 

Ryan kept apologizing every time he had to ask for another ride until Brent told him to stop. 

They talked about a lot of things on their rides to and from work. Film school, movies...what they hoped to make one day, things they loved or would like to see.

Ryan was very into True Crime, and he loved to share the latest episode or documentary he'd seen with Brent, even though it gave him the 'heebie-jeebies'. 

They also inevitably ended up talking about horror-one of Ryan's favorite genres (though one of Brent's least favorite), which led to 'discussions' about ghosts and aliens.

Brent was a staunch believer...in science. 

"I believe in science," Ryan insisted right back at him. "I just...I just believe that there are things that science can't see...or that it hasn't been able to prove yet. Like...like bacteria!"

"You don't think science has proved the existence of bacteria?!"

"No, no, shut up," Ryan said, trying not to laugh. "I mean....we didn't always know of its existence." 

"Okay," Brent conceded. "So what you're saying is...one day we'll have a ghost microscope." 

Ryan knew he was teasing him, but he gave him a fierce grin. "I should hope so." 

"You should make a video about that," Brent said, mouth twitching as he kept his eyes on the road. At this point in their fellowship they all were able to start pitching and making their own videos.

"About ghost microscopes?!" Ryan laughed.

"Yeah, you can be our resident ghost scientist," Brent quipped.

"You laugh now, but you'll see...." Ryan said, but Brent only giggled. 

▲▲▲

By week 3 the diagnosis was in. The parts he'd need were going to cost him upwards of $3000. And any car he could reliably replace Chloe with on Craiglist or whatever was going to cost at least that much.

After an embarrassing chat with Brent, in which he was reassured for the 12th time that he didn't mind driving him, Chloe ended up parked, unchanged, in his driveway, and Brent was his official ride.

By week 5, Buzzfeed Unsolved was already in the works.

By week 7, they had filmed a few short episodes and brought their friend Daysha with them to the spot where Tupac had been killed. 

By week 8, they were riding out alone together to the road where the Zodiac Killer had been spotted that one fateful night.

▲▲▲

"It's just the wind!" Brent said for like the third time, and he was laughing, but Ryan's eyes were the size of saucers. He'd seen way too many horror movies and tv shows to believe that just because the Zodiac Killer was here 40+ years ago that meant he couldn't come back for revenge.

"Ryan."

He could practically hear him, his boots crunching on the path behind them-

"Ryan!"

His eyes and face obscured, otherworldly, as he reached their car. They would probably never be found, this footage would be destroyed-

"RYAN!"

Brent grabbed his arm and Ryan startled, almost screaming at him. 

"Ryan, look at me," Brent said, and Ryan stared straight into Brent's kind blue eyes.

"I promise you, there's nothing out there right now."

The wind howled faintly and Ryan shook, looking back out the window and almost yelping at his own reflection so Brent took his hand and brought his attention back to him.

"Hey. We're going to get out of here, okay? I just need you to calm down a little for me, can you do that?"

Ryan nodded and Brent gave his hand a squeeze.

Ryan watched Brent take a deep, soothing breath, and subconsciously found himself mirroring him.

Then he took another breath. 

And another one. 

Brent squeezed his hand again and let go.

"You ready to get out of here?" Brent asked, and Ryan realized he was giving him an 'out' that was acceptable for the show, something they could edit around his little freak out earlier but all he could muster was feeling incredibly grateful. 

"Yeah," he said, and he let out another breath as Brent turned the car back on.

He'd have time to be embarrassed later.

When he got back home, Ryan's relief got the better of him-he could almost cry.

He felt Brent squeeze his shoulder.

"You okay?" Brent asked him and Ryan nodded. 

He unbuckled himself, and hesitated-"Sorry about...all that," he said, some embarrassment trickling back in.

Brent just looked at him, and then, when Ryan looked away he heard the click of Brent unbuckling too.

Brent was over the console and hugging him before Ryan had time to think about it, and he let himself melt into his arms. 

All of that fear trickled slowly out like so much poison from a wound, and Ryan breathed Brent in.

The last thought he had was that Brent smelled good, and then Brent was pulling away. Their faces almost touched.

"Don't worry about it," Brent said, but his voice was so gentle it was almost a whisper. If he didn't know any better, he'd think Brent was about to kiss him. Ryan felt himself blush and he had to look away.

"Goodnight," Ryan said, and he slid out of Brent's car and away from his orbit, looking back just to see his face, the way the light showed off the square cut of his jaw and his high cheekbones before he shut the door. "Night."

▲▲▲

The following week, Ryan got in the car with his workbag, the edited product, and the next plan.

"Who's down to go to a haunted doll island in Mexico?!" Ryan sing-songed as Brent pulled onto the freeway, and Brent sent him an incredulous look.

"Not meee," Brent mimicked back, and Ryan snorted and moved right along. 

"Dude, this place is Creepy," Ryan gushed. "This guy started collecting dolls to appease these spirits on this little island and its now full of them and...what?"

Brent was looking at him like he lost his mind...that wouldn't have been so out of the ordinary on its own, but Brent was really looking at him now.

"You really want to go to a...haunted doll island after what happened last weekend," Brent said and Ryan felt his stomach twist.

"Yeah," Ryan said defiantly. "I mean...the show-"

"You almost got scared to death on some random road," Brent interrupted. "And there weren't any 'haunted dolls' then."

 Ryan's face heated. "Okay....yeah, but-"

"I'm just saying...I don't think we can do this whole Scooby Doo thing if you're going to almost have a heart attack every time we go somewhere vaguely spooky."

Ryan went quiet.

Brent took a breath. "Look...I'm sorry," he said finally. "I'm not...trying to insult your ideas or anything."

Ryan didn't say anything.

"Did you have another idea?" Brent asked hopefully.

"A haunted demon house," Ryan mumbled, and Brent just sighed.

▲▲▲

In the days that followed, Ryan spent his free time researching and planning for the next trips, Brent's doubts be damned. 

He just had to convince him. 

▲▲▲

He had spent Wednesday morning campaigning for it, and Brent was over it, so around lunch that day he was ready to try again...this time with an audience.

"Who's my favorite co-star?" Ryan asked, sliding into the picnic bench across from Brent that day, and Brent resolutely ignored him, eating his meatball sub in silence.

"Is it me?" Shane asked with a goofy grin and Ryan shook his head. "Wrong white guy."

"Aw."

"But...you could be my favorite coworker if you help me convince this guy to go to Mexico with me."

"Mexico?!" Shane asked, looking jealous. "You're avoiding a boys trip to Margaritaville with this guy?"

"Okay, no, no, no," Brent intervened finally. "That's not what this is-don't try and make it sound like you're asking me to go on vacation with you."

Ryan smiled innocently back.

"He wants me to go to some haunted doll island," Brent said and Shane's expression cleared. "Ahhh."

"Which, some might say...is even better," Ryan tried and Shane chuckled. 

"What's wrong, had enough wind-chasing for a lifetime?" Shane teased him and Brent gave him a look. "Something like that."

"Come on," Ryan urged, and he really wasn't above begging. "Our last video got the most views yet, and this one is going to be even better-"

Brent was resiliently stubborn. 

"Did you see that video?" he asked Shane and Shane's mouth quirked, "Of course!" 

How could he not, with Ryan talking about it all the time?

"So you saw the part where he screamed every five seconds," Brent asked, and Ryan felt his ears pinken. Okay, 'every five seconds' was a little unfair. 

"I did!" Shane said, sipping at his La Croix. "Hilarious."

"So help me convince this guy," he said, jerking his head at Ryan, "That haunted doll islands would be a bad idea, given what we know about his...tolerance."

"Come on," Ryan whined again but Shane shrugged. "I still think it'd be funny."

And Brent just shook his head. 

Ryan was running out of time. 

"If you won't do it with me, I'll have to find someone else," Ryan threatened. He didn't really mean it, of course, but he needed Brent's 'OK' before he moved on to planning flights and things.

"Then you'll have to find someone else," Brent said, and he left him and Shane alone at the table. 

▲▲▲

It was an awkward trip back to Orange County. 

Ryan wasn't sure if Brent had meant what he said earlier, but either way, he was crushed.

He knew that people found and even exchanged co-hosts on the regular, but replacing Brent felt...

He didn't want to think about it. 

"You know," he said finally, over the alternative rock on the radio that played them into Ryan's neighbourhood, "I like being scared." 

Brent's mouth went a thin line as he parked outside his house. "Ryan."

"No, really, I do," Ryan insisted. "I know you don't get it, I know you think I'm a coward-"

"Ryan-"

"-but I actually like being scared, like that's part of what I like about horror, its fun-"

"It's not fun to me," Brent interrupted sharply and Ryan went quiet.

Brent turned in his seat to face him, and Ryan had nowhere to look but at him. "This is not about me thinking you're a coward...It's not fun to me to watch you be scared, okay?"

Ryan felt that sinking feeling again, that creeping embarrassment but Brent reached out for him, and squeezed his arm, "I'm not saying you're a coward. That's not what this is about, so please don't take it as in insult."

Ryan ducked his gaze. "It's hard not to feel like that's what you're saying-"

"I know," Brent sighed, "But it's not-I can't watch you be scared without wanting to fix things, without wanting to comfort you or something and that's not...good content, that's just...I don't think I can do it."

Ryan swallowed and met his gaze.

"I just can't," Brent said, and his blue eyes implored him to understand. 

"You're so stupidly nice," Ryan said softly, and Brent leaned closer. 

His hand was in his hair when he said, "I know,” and then he kissed him. 

▲▲▲

That line was all Ryan could think about as he lay in bed that night. It was probably the coolest line anyone had ever given him before kissing him-he had the Harrison Ford posters to prove it-but either way, it was only the second time he'd kissed a guy.

The next morning, it was still running through his head, so the first thing he said when Brent said "Good morning," was "I was thinking about last night," and Brent went still. 

"I'm sorry," Brent said finally, "I didn't want to...seem slimy by making a move on you, but you're...really cute and-"

"Do you live alone?" Ryan interrupted and Brent blinked.

"Um. I have a roommate actually but...."

Ryan drummed his hands on his knee, "Okay, good to know."

Brent laughed, "Um? Okay." 

And Ryan let it drop until it was time to go home that evening.

This time, Ryan had some extra directions, ones that led them to a random neighbourhood, by some random bushes, with plenty of space between houses. It was already dark, and the neighbourhood lights were on-but the nearest one was some feet away.

"You're not about to tell me that this is where somebody died, are you?" Brent asked, breaking the tension and Ryan laughed.

"I was more thinking of somewhere we could park where my dad couldn't see us making out."

Brent blushed. "Oh."

Ryan thought it was really cute. "Yeah."

And then he was unbuckling and leaning up and Brent met him the rest of the way and they were kissing. 

▲▲▲

It was becoming kind of a habit.

They were in the back of the car with their pants down to their knees a couple nights later when Ryan broached the subject. "I was thinking of asking Shane to co-host with me," he said, and Brent stopped, his hand just above the waistband of Ryan's underwear.

"You should," Brent said, and then he was kissing the space below Ryan's ear and Ryan's mind went blank.

▲▲▲

They didn't bring it up again until the next night. Ryan was fingering himself in the back of the car, half on Brent's lap, when the conversation continued. 

"Shane would be a good choice," Brent said, "I don't think he's going to get scared very easily-he'll keep you from freaking out..." 

"Yeah," Ryan said breathlessly, and he grabbed the lube he'd brought this time, slicking Brent up, "And he's not...I don't think he will get caught up in trying to like...comfort me," he said and Brent let out a soft, "Hahhh" as Ryan sunk down on him.

"No," Brent said, and his hand was heavy on the back of Ryan's neck, "I don't think he will be," and when he wrung more sounds out of him he kissed him quiet.

▲▲▲

The week and a half they were away filming the 3 Horrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons, Ryan missed Brent every night. 

But they weren't wrong. Shane had the right irreverent attitude needed for the show. He didn't get worked up by the setting or by Ryan's own emotions. Nothing phased him. 

As it turned out, the haunted doll island wasn't even the worst part.

The Sallie House was going to haunt his dreams for years to come, Ryan thought, but the next time he had a nightmare, Brent picked him up and took him to his place. 

"I don't like what this show is doing to you," Brent told him in the soft hours of the morning, but Ryan rolled them over and let him kiss him, had him help him forget.

▲▲▲

BuzzFeed Unsolved was becoming popular. 

He could hardly believe it. There were times when he wondered if Brent regretted leaving, but Brent always told him the same thing, he'd rather see him happy.

When the fellowships ended, Ryan, Brent and Shane were among those that were hired on as video producers, and now Ryan had his $3000 and more. 

He sold Chloe with his dad the week before he moved to LA, and made only about $700 bucks on her. 

"You think they'll scrap her?" he asked, and his dad just gave his shoulder a squeeze.

That money didn't go into another car-instead, it went into his new apartment, just ten minutes down the road from work.

He could even feasibly take an Uber to work if he wanted to. 

It was his first 'real adult' experience, and when he said goodbye to his parents it felt a bit like he was going away to college all over again. 

But this time, he wasn't alone.

"You're both invited to our open house party next week, remember?" Brent told Ryan's teary mom, "We're just going to make the place all nice and clean for you, and then you can come over whenever you want."

Ryan's heart squeezed, and it did again when Micki and Dori danced around his boyfriend's ankles, licking at him when he leant down to pet them.

He was so nice.

The summer after college brought with it lots of things. So he might have lost his car, and maybe this new career and show weren't going to be all smooth sailing, but he gained with it a new boyfriend, a new best friend, and a new life.

Things were definitely looking up. 


End file.
